Nothing makes your genitals weep like a picture of Scott Baio looking like an old Alfalfa covered in penis foam - SOW

Jeremy Renner and his roommate might be cooing at a baby girl named Ava today - Lainey Gossip 

Scroll down to picture #6 and tell me what that is on Emma Stone's body - The Berry 

Ashley Jizzdale's look is very teenage runaway turned rest stop hooker - Hollywood Tuna 

Something in the milk is a photo-op when Julia Roberts is smiling instead of barking at the paparazzi - Celebitchy

The Gossip sings out Michael Lohan and White Oprah's anti-anthem - Towleroad

Brazilian butts for your President's Day (and sadly none of those Brazilian butts belong to Rodrigo Santoro) - The Superficial 

Shawn Johnson is ripped and built like a Chelsea pocket hottie power bottom - Drunken Stepfather

If my abuelita's favorite black veil and her favorite visor mated, their baby would look like the thing that's on Anne Hathaway's head - ICYDK

If Mumford's sons are white, famous and rich, then I'll believe this - IDLYITW

Sara Jean Underwood is as subtle as always - Popoholic

Mimi's song for that Oz movie makes me want to drop a house on my ears - OMG Blog

Even getting ran over by a four wheeler couldn't keep Lena Dunham from the Writers Guild Awards - Just Jared

Note to famous or semi-famous addicts: don't go on Celebrity Rehab - Jezebel

Thankfully for Baby KimYe, Kim Kartrashian wants three nannies so it never has to see its mother's face - Celebslam

The baby-making Gremlin is just asking to get smacked down by the Tupac hologram - Crunk  + Disorderly

Justin Timberlake is obviously popping his eyeballs, because Jessica Biel surprised him with an impromptu anus poking - Popsugar

Chelsea Handler went to Charlize Theron's son's first birthday party, so I assuming that there's at least 5 bottles of Grey Goose in her bag - I'm Not Obsessed

Velveeta, an industrial-strength bra and matches to burn all of her UGGs better be on that list - Cityrag

And I'm surprised that not one of them slapped him for putting the words of a Bieber in their ears - Hollywood Rag

PROGRAMMING NOTE: The CAPTION THIS Contest took the day off and spent its President's Day doing what you did (getting drunk and watching porn). It'll be back tomorrow!

Source: Dlisted - Be Very Afraid